Thanksgiving growing up was always at my house. Well, my Mother's house or whatever, but you get the point. Every year, I would have the confidence and security that the fattest Holiday of them all would be held at the place where I could give the least amount of fucks. I could eat, wear sweatpants, sleep 1/2 the day away, get hammered, and watch football until everyone got the fuck out. Then, round two of food, watch a shitty comedy movie about Christmas, then immediate coma. Lights out. Decorate the next day for Christmas per usual to show the neighbors what real exterior illumination is about.
Then came quasi-adulthood. Coming home from college that is. Absolute shit-show of going out the night before and seeing people from high school that continue to act like the douche bags they were back then and still are today. Slightly more uncomfortable holiday for me, seeing as I had to "entertain" all those who "didn't have a place to go on Thanksgiving" at my childhood home, but, still not too bad. Nursing the hangover and eating a shit load of food in my comfort zone was still tops. Fine, whatever, still get to wear sweatpants. TV was still on and at least I gave people a place to eat or be included or whatever.
Enter my late 20's. Now in my own home, about 20 miles away from where I grew up. 2 children, wife, etc. Not officially wife, but who's really paying attention? After dating for almost 4 years, it's really weird to walk up to someone and introduce your lady as your, "girlfriend." I'm not a 50+ divorced Dad dating some bartender I met the night before. I'm a grown ass man. I have a wife (ish).
Anyway, welcome to complicated. Life is suddenly a fuck load more intense. For the old people that is. We got our own situation over here with our four person family and two dogs. Obviously, we have the ability to host Thanksgiving, but no, the parents must host. They must prove they can Thanksgiving the fuck out of this and replicate Grandma's pumpkin pie recipe or prove they, "still got it" or whatever. It's 100% an excuse for people like me to be told the leafs need raking and the sink drips at night so I might as well fix it while I'm there type thing.
Problem, there are now two sets of parents. Her side, and my side. Oh, and my parents are divorced, so, now there's three sets of people inside of my asshole who demand I come and experience their house, food, etc. Huge save is my Dad couldn't give a shit anymore. Comes over my house in the AM on Thanksgiving, brings over 6 donuts, asks how we're doing, rips a couple heaters in our smoking room/bar/basement situation (yes, we have that and it's ventilated SO RELAX), and leaves in 30 minutes or less. PERFECT.
My Mother's side of the family is different. Very complex. Her brother (my Uncle, cool dude) and my cousins always send a standing invite every year. Problem - cousin and husband live like 35+ miles away. Would love to see them but the travel is brutal. Uncle and Aunt are about 15 miles away or so. Mother also doesn't host any longer because I don't live there and she, "can't do it anymore without help."
Absolutely not. No way. Too much travel. Also EVERYONE in the car sleeps on the way home and I'm going to have to drive in silence, then put both kids in bed by carrying their lifeless bodies up the staircase, and possibly miss a football game at night. Again, absolutely not. Also, not having the ability to wear sweatpants because everyone is holding onto the facade of "we're a rich family and we dress like it routine" is infuriating and I refuse to participate. This now leads to the, "I never see you" whining on the phone from my Mother, which is a baseless and false cry for attention to guilt me into cleaning the gutters or power washing her shed. So, we send her off to her brother's caravan and she has Thanksgiving with them.
Now for the wife's parents. They live in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. Amazing people who literally don't give a shit about anything (in a good way). EVERYONE is chill. Sweatpants are encouraged, good food is available (her Mother is an amazing cook and so is the wife unit - huge plus), napping is mandatory, football is always on the 65 inch, 4 beer minimum before 11am and wine is encouraged at dinner. 100% best situation ever. This has been our shit for the past three years.
Last year, her parents decided to go away to FL for Thanksgiving, so hosted at our house for the first time. Would not recommend. Would not do again. Way too much work between cleaning (weird cleaning too like washing the curtains and washing the woodwork). I did however enjoy carving the turkey in front of everyone, friends, family (yes - my Mom came), and thinking to myself, "Fuck yes, you watch me be the man and care the fuck out of this thing in my own home biiiiitch."
This year, my brother-in-law and also co-worker decides he's going to get engaged. 100% great for him, love them both, classy move, nice ring, ok you get the point. Then, OUT OF LEFT FIELD I get the word that, "We're all going to his fiancée's parents house like 50 miles away for Thanksgiving. WHAT? I have also just been informed that shoes are not allowed in the house (what the actual fuck?) and to please for the love of God dress nice and please act appropriate. No way to pivot on this whatsoever, since it's the first time everyone is meeting and I'm very "honored" to be included in the immediate family but I have some concerns:
Obligatory post complete. Happy Thanksgiving.
In episode one, rather than sticking with the blog, we turn to podcasting to speak about Facebook's strangle hold on the social media community, LeBron James' behavior as a pussy on the court, Tom Brady's #AssEatinSZN comment on Instagram, and an overbearing bitch-faced flight attendant using what little power she has to kick FIVE people off HER plane.
We haven't written anything in a while, so, I figured we'd start off the weekend with Lena Dunham's lies about American Airlines.
First thing's first, let's give you assholes some links so that you can read the original story here:
LENA DUNHAM FACES SOCIAL MEDIA BACKLASH FOR TRANS COMMENTS
Secondly, there's absolutely no reason why she should be in HBO's girls. I know she wrote and directed the entire damn thing, but, she takes away from the "watchability" of the show with her gross boobs. I mean, by now, everyone knows the ABSOLUTE SMOKESHOW that is Allison Williams (daughter of news anchor Brian Williams, congrats on the sex Brian), and she's the one who should be flaunting titty all over the screen. But no, since this is Dunham's "baby," she's going to let her rolls of scrunch fat unravel all over the screen and into our living rooms.
Also, can we just pause for a moment and thank the good Lord Brian Williams for his AMAZING genetics? Thank you Brian for delivering the news, and delivering your daughter's amazing body to my eyes. I suppose we may have to thank Dunham for Williams as well, considering the controls all aspects of the show including central casting.
But getting to the main point, let's just simmer on the whole tattling on EVERYONE who hates on anything to do with Transgender people, gay people, lesbians, etc. Dunham, in a desperate attempt to make herself shine and become relevant in the headlines and turn herself into the poster girl for queer rights all around America by lying about an American Airlines employee using transgender-based slurs in reference to another passenger.
This is what we've come to now. This is what America has become. Celebrities think they have a louder, more important platform to boast upon, while in reality, they are just as shitty as you and me. Don't get up there on your high horse Lena unless you can back up your shit. When American began to try and put all the pieces together, they realized Dunham was a sack of shit, just like the rest of us (She has a slightly larger sack of shit in her body, but you get the point). Just because you have a damn Twitter account, and just because you're a celebrity with a coveted blue checkmark, doesn't mean we have to take you for your word. Good for American for investigating this and proving her wrong.
God, I hate Lena Dunham. Her entire brand of pushing her shitty pro-diversity thoughts upon us all as if she's God's gift to the world is a bit much. Fucking leave your shitty as, gross Dad bod out of my life, and out of the spotlight. Just do TV. Just do movies or whatever. Fully clothed please. Maybe stay behind the camera. Stay out of politics in a sense. Let the adults handle this one.
Just a quick follow up to some of the comments that we have made on Twitter today regarding Adam Jones and his accusation that Boston Red Sox fans were spewing "racist comments" and throwing peanuts at his head as he entered the Orioles bench following a Red Sox offensive series.
The peanut throwing part of the story are absolutely true. As evidenced in this video noting the fan was ejected from the game, as is the procedure when you throw anything on the field:
As we've talked about, this isn't the first time this has happened to Adam Jones. According to these articles, Jones has accused other cities he has played in of either throwing objects, such as Bananas (I swear it wasn't us) at him during gameplay without evidence of such behavior. However, Jones hasn't been able to confirm or prove he was being "berated" with racist remarks an any of the three cities he has made a stink about.
Orioles Adam Jones: ’Baseball a white man’s sport’
Baseball Player A Victim Of Racism? Orioles Adam Jones Claims A Banana Was Thrown At Him
ADAM JONES STANDS BEHIND COMMENTS ON RACE, BASEBALL
It just seems to me that baseball is a sport that joins the other three major sports in America that highlights the racism that does indeed exist in each and every community. However, it doesn't just exist on this day, highlighted by this player, playing in this particular city.
Adam Jones is being heralded as a victim, when we should all be questioning his projection of racism in America through his platform as a professional athlete. His support of ousted and talentless QB Colin Kaepernick kneeling for the National Anthem just verifies his distinct very apparent support for division in this country and Jones' unwillingness to promote unity and togetherness within our communities.
Adam Jones has been towing the line of racism in baseball for his entire career, using cities like Boston, San Francisco, and Toronto as prime examples of how racism still exists in our communities. However, he's lying though his teeth when it comes to each incident. Although being able to pinpoint exactly where racist comments came from in the stands that night, Jones should understand that he's not the first victim in the history of professional sports, and he won't be the last.
Adam Jones' actions as a baseball player only further divide our country. His appetite for attention and willingness to accuse others of wrongdoing only encourages the citizens of our great nation to deal with problems by crying "wolf" and demanding apologies instead of dealing with problems as they come - head on, heads up. Be a man Adam. Stand up and say, "shit happens, it isn't right, time to move on."
Don't sit there and demand punishment for something that goes unpunished (wrongly) every day, just because you play professional sports.
Fuck Adam Jones. Fuck him right in the pussy. He CONSTANTLY does this when he's in Boston. He does this anytime he feels as if attention has been drawn away from him and placed on another teammate, another team, or another pop culture story. He's pulled this shit for 12 years.
Listen, I get how being racist is bad, and I get how racism is still a real and apparent problem in this country. I also get how this CAN and WILL happen in almost any public setting in America, but, it's not something that I'm going to take seriously when Adam Jones complains about it. I'll take it seriously when the word "racism" isn't thrown around willy-nilly to describe a bunch of drunk assholes going a bit over the line and fooling around with the word nigger.
Adam Jones is an adult. He's a millionaire. He plays baseball for a living. So, in essence, STOP being such a little bitch and complaining about your workplace environment. You get paid to have a certain amount of tolerance. This isn't John Rocker running out of the tunnel an getting batteries thrown at him. This isn't disco records being hurled at outfielders in Chicago and fans setting fire to the outfield grass. You sign a contract to play baseball in the United States of America (by the way, the most guaranteed contract in the history of the world), and with those millions and millions of dollars and expensive cars, massive houses and personal assistants comes the price of fans heckling you from the stands.
You don't like your workplace Adam? Then fucking change it. Try out for another position so you don't have to listen to the bullshit from the crowd. Sit in the dugout, go to the minors, retire from the game of baseball. Stop promoting the racist divisions in America that truly exist in the South, in largely populated cities across this great country of ours. It's people like you, Adam, that encourage all people of color to complain of racism in inappropriate settings to get their way, because they know the establishment will bow down in fear of repercussions from the public.
Just play the damn game a keep your mouth shut. It's not like every single fan in the fucking park is screaming nigger at the top of their lungs. People heckle, and while I absolutely discourage them from yelling racist remarks to player's faces, I don't sit here for one second and think they're not going to yell something at all. They are fans, not patrons of a local library. They are supposed to hate the opposing team, and it's players. Try playing for the Yankees.
Oh, and by the way, I've sat in the bleachers, when they were goddamn $3.00/seat. Never in my life, have I ever heard racist comments from any seat at Fenway Park (and the bleachers house the WORST type of people).
Next time you want some attention Adam Jones, why not just make some noise with your bat. You little bitch.