Wow. It's already 2019. Said everyone, in every conversation, from now until about March or so.
Every year, we as humans do the same shit. First - in the modern era of social media, we paste, post, like, comment, or hashtag some stupid-ass year in review. Mostly where everyone tries to paint the most perfect image of themselves behind a facade of engagement rings, baby pictures, pregnancy poses, dogs, trips to Dubai, and "getting fit" videos. It's all the same, it's all bullshit. It's fucking pointless.
As the female unit says, people who post every day, seemingly in the most perfect marriage, are the first people to get divorced. I tend to subscribe to this notion. We have the rule at home to avoid posting pictures of ourselves unless it's been about a year and a lot of people think that we're dead. It's literally the most stress-relieving activity that has changed my life. I'm not a celebrity, I don't need to post as if I am.
More importantly, it's more work than it's worth to sit there and believe in all honesty that you NEED to post pictures of your life so a bunch of far off family and acquaintances can hit the "like" button about 17 times. That's it. 17. No more, no less.
After the picture year in review, it's time for resolutions! Ooh yeah baby! Let's get that "bread." Let's get #fitfam! Let's get after it! Have the best year ever! Ooh my god, I'm going to get my life together and stop smoking on that crack pipe!
Ok, first of all, crack is not all that whack when used in the proper setting. Second of all, research says you're going to do these two things:
1). Engage in purchasing a gym membership. This will be used a total of 10-12 times. You will then pay for it during the entire 2019 cycle before you notice you've been spending $10-$20/month to run a business that you don't patronize. You'll continue to be your shitty fat self for the remaining 11 months. You'll use excuses to eat fatty foods and drink excessively for November thru December 2019. The summer will be spent looking "ok" at the beach, whilst you fill yourself with deep regret as you look at memes on Instagram about being fat in said Summer season.
2). Join a dating website. (For single folk). All you single ladies (and men - can we say men anymore? Or is that offensive?) will join some dick/vag-laiden website to explore the possibility of being less of a hoe, and more of a homemaker. You'll do this on January 6th, right after going to the gym for the 3rd time. Sounds good, right? Wrong.
Breaking news: If you're 18-34, you'll continue to be a traveling sex-driven pile of shit. At about age, 35-38, it's been said that you'll try and settle down and stop offering your holes and poles to strangers that you met online only mere moments before they've seen your goodies.
Every year, the same group of dickbags put out a "list" of resolutions they'd like to focus on. Heck, my "real job" boss even asked me to read a book last year: The 12 Week Year. It's literally a bunch of strategies to compartmentalize a year's worth of tasks in 12 week increments. It's putting the SAME SHIT into a basket, only organizing and completing it with different wrapping paper.
Same thing with weight loss programs.
Same thing with workout programs.
Same thing with resolutions.
None of it matters, it's all just presented to you in a different manner, which tricks your brain into thinking it's going to be "different this time." It's going to be the same, dumbass.
The only way to "resolve" your problems is to constantly address them and come up with your own method for success. Heck, it took me 10 years to learn my body and how I process foods. The larger I became, the more money I had to spend on clothing. That's not fucking equitable. I devised that if I stayed smaller, having been fully grown since 18 (fuck my life), I would save money. How do I do that? By staying relatively carbohydrate-free. No breads, only Michelob for beer (Chickleob), clear spirits, only red wine, lots of high-fat and high-protein foods. That's it. Indulge two days each month.
What about dating? Well, I've been out of the scene for a long-ass time now. Relatively speaking, don't use apps. My recently single buddy has dug up one of my old tricks, LITERALLY TALK TO WOMEN (or men, can we say that? Men? Is that ok to say?) in person at the bar. Use a cheesy one liner. Ask them about the game on TV. Compliment them. Worst case is they bail after 5 minutes. Boo fucking hoo. Next woman.
Bottom line, don't play yourself with a resolution. Make changes for yourself. Don't just post shit on social media for the "fans" to see (all 17 of them). Either address your problems, or ignore your shortcomings. Don't sit there and play the blame game. Sack up and do something - without making a spectacle out of the whole experience.
Happy 2019. Now buy a t-shirt. Or a crewneck sweat. I don't care. Just buy one.